I wrote the beginning of this story a while back on the blog and after that I got so many questions about if I could tell the whole story about my arm complex. Probably because so many of you have something in common with this complex and this story. Which sucks. But that's why I want to write about it as well.
When I was in the 7th grade a guy in my class had a huge crush on me. This was a time where all boys in my school kept a very loud and open conversation about whose boobs were best shaped (and biggest - but not too big), and whose ass was the most trained etc. The boys harassed girls at school on a daily basis but no one said or did anything about these. Neither teachers or other students. This was way before sexual harassment etc was an okay subject to talk about.
I got curves pretty early and therefor I was a "good target" for these boobs and curves lists. This one guy in my class tried to get my attention in every possible way there is. And when nothing worked he tried to spot my weaknesses and get my attention through them. (Funny thing to do when you actually like someone right?) I don't think it took him a long time to realize that just like the other girls, I was bothered by the body comments and body rating they had going on.
One day when a lesson was about to start he grabbed my arm, squeezed it, laughed and said "you have such chubby arms". If this happened today I would probably give him a lesson in what an idiot he is. Unfortunately, when this happened, I was 13 and had wasn't that good at standing up for myself.
So immediately after this comment the words "I hate my arms" started spinning in my head. This was pretty funny because before this scenario and before the whole 'body rating' by the boys in high school, I didn't think that much about my looks. I felt healthy and therefor I was happy. There was no bad thoughts or body hatred in my life before that. I would even say I actually liked my body a lot before starting high school and before getting into music business.
The crazy part is how neither teenagers and grown ups didn't do anything about the body harassment that happened every singel day. During the lessons. During the breaks. On the school yard. In the dining hall. They sure heard and saw it but they just didn't want to get involved in it. It happened to almost every single girl I know from high school and I have many friends that just like me, started developing this self hatred towards their bodies throughout all of these mean comments and comparison there were.
What I'm grateful for today is that I think both teachers and students dare to stand up towards this body negativity going on in schools/anywhere in a different way. Because back then we didn't put a name on the harassment and we didn't analyze what it did to people. Now we have a more open conversation about all of this and that means that it's easier to spot the problem and to do something about it. I hope that no one ever feels they have the right to compare or rate their classmates', friends', family members' or anyone else's bodies. Because they don't.