I’m sitting at some local breakkie place in San Diego eating waffles. I remember about a year ago when I ordered cake at a cafeteria in Stockholm and a woman who passed my table said ”how can you eat that and still be so skinny?”. I don’t even know if I got mad, sad or confused. Probably all of that.
I sometimes go out to eat and still by habit order the meal with less calories. Just because it still sits somewhere in my bones to do that. And then sometimes I order the stuff with the most calories just to try to prove to myself and others that I can eat it. Stupid? Yes.
After the podcast I guested got out I’ve been asked to do everything from interviews to keeping speeches at events. I kind of went from being the ”singer girl” to being the ”eating disorder girl” over night. First I thought I was going to feel more ill again by bringing this all up. But I’ve actually gained some weird strength from this that makes me want to show that I can recover 100%. People will think of me as ”that girl” no matter if I order a salad that I barely touch or if I order waffles that I almost binge. Because a part of me is still that girl, that needs to think about everything I eat and why I do it. But everything takes time and recovery doesn’t come over night.
Now we’re gonna spend the day at Sea World before going back to LA. I’m so gonna take home a turtle.