Wow I can't believe there's only a couple of days left of this year. As I've said a million times, this has been the worst and best year ever. Right now I'm sitting in my bathrobe after I gave shaving my legs a shot, damn it's hard with a baby bump?! Anyways, here I am thinking about the year that has passed, how much has changed and how much is still about to change. All I know is that I'm set on making 2019 a great year and do my best to be the best version of me that I possible can.
My main goal is to take care of myself. Now I'm not talking about skincare routines, attending a yoga class or meditate every evening. I'm talking about really taking care of myself as in not let anorexia ruin a single moment of this coming year. That's close to impossible since I'm living with a disease that makes my everyday life challenging. But I'm so set on not letting the eating disorder take over and make me lose weight again or for example make me think I need to lose 10kg in a month after giving birth. I'm so done with thinking about my body 24/7 and I know this isn't something that will go away, but 2018 I started by being at a dangerously low weight and I barely ate anything from the period January-April. So whatever thoughts I have, I know 2019 is going to be a better year when it comes to my disease.
Another goal I have is to be less stressed. I want to stop stressing about the future. What will I do in 5 years? Write a book? Become a lawyer? Start taking dance lessons? Travel the world? I have zero idea and I want to accept that and embrace that this coming year. I can do whatever I feel like doing and I need to be comfortable with that thought and not stress and push myself to have 10 projects in the making all the time. I need to learn how to RELAX.
Then a little unexpected goal is that I'm keen on starting to play the piano again. I started taking lessons in both classical and rhythmical piano when I was 6 and I played frequently until I graduated from my music school 1,5 years ago. And since that I've been so caught up in life and everything that has happened so I've barely touched the piano - I've only played a little while singing but I haven't played any classical pieces etc. So this next year I will find all my old sheet papers and start playing again. Maybe even take a lesson or two. I've really missed the piano.
Overall this year has been heartbreaking and healing at the same time. For almost exactly a year ago I took the tattoo of a broken heart on my side ribs, while I was in Los Angeles making music. The tattoo is still my favorite one but its meaning has changed completely. Now I know that hearts do heal. Being broken doesn't mean you'll be broken for a lifetime. Being unhappy doesn't mean you'll never feel happy again. And most important of all, being at rock bottom doesn't mean you can just give up, happiness can be right around the corner and love can do miracles. <3