A subject I've been wanting to write about for a while is equal parenting. I've been reading everything from stone age books about getting a baby to modern feminist books about it. Obviously you get a lot of good advice and learn things you need to know, but I strongly believe that it works out the best when the parents come up with their own parenting lifestyle and what works for them. (Obs: I will write this post from a husband & wife perspective since that's my personal perspective)
One thing that from the start isn't equal and can't be, is that it's only me carrying the baby for 9 months. Which is a long time. Sometimes I feel so incredibly alone with my pregnancy since my husband can't understand what my body goes through no matter how much he wants to. Now, my baby daddy is incredible, he is supportive and the one who brings me food in the middle of the night when I wake up hungry (happens all the time these days, my baby won't stop eating!) and takes care of our dog and does the dishes when I'm too nauseous to get out of bed. But still I feel so lonely since he can't feel that same nausea, symptoms, fear and baby movements etc as I do since I'm the one carrying the baby. And what I've noticed the most, and what goes for many parents, is that he can't feel the baby as concretely as I at this point. So right from the start it puts parents in different positions when it comes to getting a baby. And same goes for giving birth obviously.
My husband will be home with us for the three first months when the baby is born, which is great and what I really think every parents with the opportunity should do. Statistics show that there's a big different later in the child's life depending on wether only the mom was at home or both the mom and dad. I'm really looking forward to these three months and for me and my hubby to get to know our child, together.
Also, being at home together in the beginning gives you the chance to set your routines together and build your own parenting lifestyle together. And if my husband wouldn't be able to be at home with us for the first months, I know I would feel abandoned and incredibly lonely in that situation. Mainly because it's our first baby and neither of us has a clue what it will be like, so for me it's a life important safety net knowing that we're in it together and that we'll learn everything together, as a team. <3
But what happens after these three months? As we all know and what all statistics show is that it's close to impossible to split parenting 50/50 and we're not 50/50 people anyways. With that said I mean that we are not the type of people who take turns doing the dishes, have a schedule for who's turn it is to clean the bathroom etc. We've never had a single fight or even discussion about who's turn it is to do what, which is a big relief. And I really hope we can bring this quality to our parenting as well. Also after my husband starts working again after his three months at home with us.
What's most important to me is that we do everything together as a family. And that we put our love for each other first and not the other things. I'm 100% sure there will be moments when I'm ready to rip my husband's head of when he comes home from a work trip and I've been home with the baby and gotten 0 hours of sleep. I'm also equally sure there will be times when my husband gets home from that work trip, sad that he missed days with the baby and me.
Things would probably be different if I had a "normal" 9-5 job, because then we'd have to switch game plans. But as it is now, all my projects and work stuff can be done from home or places where you can bring a mini you. And I don't have a set schedule and 9-5 days. So for me it feels natural and almost obvious that the baby will be home with me. I'll also be attending this "open daycare" thing for young moms instead of putting our child into kindergarten - which means I'll be with my baby at this "daycare center" for a couple of hours every week until it turns 4-5 or something. But the sum the equal parenting stuff up: I don't believe there's anything called 100% equal parenting, but my lil family is set on doing our best to come as close as possible and for our child to feel as close to both its mom and dad.